02/05/2023 - In Sona G Lutherová’s tender film, “nobody’s perfect” – and that’s perfectly fine

When you love someone, what do you love, exactly? Their personality, their wit, their body? Sometimes it’s every one of these things, but life changes people. They get sick, they get older. Hell, they even get pregnant and perhaps they are not quite the same any more. But does that mean that love should just pack its bags and leave, or should it try to adapt instead?

Director Sona G Lutherová seems to be thinking about that, too, after witnessing two of her friends suddenly finding themselves in the middle of a similar conundrum. They have been married for a long time and have kids. But Marvin decides to come out as a trans man and is ready to see it through. Soon, he starts to look different, starts to shave and snore. And yet his husband doesn’t go anywhere, and they still hold hands watching TV in the evening.

A Happy Man [+see also:
interview: Soňa G Lutherová
film profile], world-premiering at Canada’s Hot Docs as part of European Film Promotion's The Changing Face of Europe programme, is a surprisingly calm take on transition. Even though, predictably, there is a lot at stake and not everything can be drama-free – Marvin’s parents, (especially his mum) have a harder time welcoming this man into their lives, and there are tense scenes of people trying to appear relaxed when they are anything but. There is something very pragmatic about the whole dilemma, with this couple giving it their best go yet fully aware it might not work out in the end. Then again, so what? At least they didn’t give up right away, which in itself is a win. Trying is underrated, probably because of Yoda’s statement that one should “do or do not, there is no try”. Here, it feels more like a gesture of love and commitment.

With some scenes supplied by Marvin himself, recording himself during important moments – “I am freshly shaved and I am going for a drink with a friend,” he happily states at one point – things get intimate, too. Their sexuality, or its potential demise, is also discussed. “The part of his body that’s changing, we agreed I won’t touch it any more,” admits his husband. But Lutherová’s focus is always on the ordinary, on kids demanding attention, on the ritual of emptying the dishwasher.

Because of such an approach, this modest little film goes beyond Marvin’s transition, in a way, delivering a story about an average, content family that feels surprisingly universal, and maybe also about what really matters when people decide to share their lives. “We are a good match and enjoy being together,” they say here. Who knows? Maybe it really is as simple as that.

Funnily enough, there is a poster of Some Like It Hot hanging in their house, which saw Jack Lemmon dating and becoming engaged to a millionaire, convinced he was a woman. He does come clean at the end, but he isn’t rejected. “Well, nobody’s perfect,” he hears. It might be a good-luck charm for this couple, a reminder that if needed, love can be flexible, too. Either way, it’s time to take off that wig.

A Happy Man is a Slovak-Czech co-production staged by Azyl Production and HBO Europe.