Shown in IFFR’s Tiger Competition, Angelica Ruffier’s documentary-essay La Belle Année [+lire aussi :
critique
bande-annonce
interview : Angelica Ruffier
fiche film]  plays with what’s real and what’s not as she revisits her long-forgotten crush on a female teacher. Dealing with tragic loss and reaching out to the women who influenced her, the director’s movie is touching in every respect.

Cineuropa: In your film, you show that dealing with loss or grief can result in something positive. Can it really help us to reconnect with our past?
Angelica Ruffier: My philosophy in life is that all the hardships and everything else you go through can bring positive energy. It was the same when my father died. You become very free to shape your memories of that person. With this film, I was looking at my teenage self again, thinking: what helped her in that situation?

You’re being honest about hard times. But instead of dwelling on them, you seem to suggest it’s crucial to let them go.
She does – or at least she’s trying to. She redirects her energy toward that teacher instead. At some point, you just have to live your own life. It’s funny to talk about “Angelica,” because it is actually me. I’ve been thinking a lot about what shaped who I am and what drew me to art and other universes, besides my father’s influence.

The crushes we have as teenagers are very intense, don’t you think?
That’s a big part of this movie. All these feelings which were awoken by the discovery of my diary came back and hit me. I think that’s what drove me, personally, and my character in the movie: the desire to see this teacher again. It was the only way to move forward and make those feelings more tangible. I felt a bit ashamed when I read those diary entries. They were so personal and sensual. I wouldn’t express myself like that now. Asking others to read and interpret them helped me to feel more comfortable, and also using myself as a character.

The teacher shares in this embarrassment, too. She admits that she never showed anyone Anjelica’s gift, for that very reason. It felt too intimate.
I was very touched when she said that. I felt it was a gesture of respect for my feelings. She wasn’t going to pass it around because it was serious, even though it was created by a 16-year-old.

It felt worthwhile for me to try to see her again. It felt like I was honouring my younger self and her fascination and drive. When Anjelica contacts her, she’s not very clear about her feelings. Maybe she just wants to live out her fantasy. For me, both personally and as a character in the movie, it brought solace and reconciliation. Part of that old fantasy still lives in me, but now I have another story to tell. Also, she’s still in my life because we write to each other. My life was enriched by this encounter and her acceptance. Not everyone would respond with that kind of calmness.

Alongside realistic scenes, you play with imaginary scenes that could have been lifted straight out of old romance novels. Or maybe they reflect what a teenager would consider romantic?
Absolutely. They’re the stuff of teenage dreams. All those scenes and that aesthetic are taken from movies that Angelica watched as a teenager. For example, Daughters of Darkness, a lesbian vampire movie from the 1970s. The contrast between the messiness of having to empty a house after someone’s passing and the wild fantasies in her head is what made me want to make the film. These fantasies allow her to escape her current situation and give her the strength she needs to find closure.

Many people would want to do the exact same thing and find someone from the past we’ve never forgotten about.
When you talk about something in your life, there comes a time when you take a step back and think: “Are these feelings universal? Can others understand them as well?” I’m really looking forward to watching this film with an audience, and having enough distance to be moved by it again.