Czech photographer Libuše Jarcovjáková, dubbed the “Nan Goldin of Czechoslovakia”, is the focus of the documentary I'm Not Everything I Want to Be [+leggi anche:
recensione
scheda film] by Czech filmmaker Klára Tasovská, which is set to have its world premiere at next year’s Berlinale, in the Panorama Dokumente section (see the news). This project marks Tasovská's first solo directorial effort, following her collaboration with Lukáš Kokeš on acclaimed documentaries such as Fortress [+leggi anche:
trailer
scheda film] and Nothing Like Before, with Kokeš now serving as the producer of this film. Jarcovjáková, whose career has taken in experiences in Czechoslovakia, Berlin and Tokyo, gained notable success and recognition later in her life. Prior to this, she held odd jobs until she reached her forties.

I'm Not Everything I Want to Be is a biographical film that delves into Jarcovjáková's life and identity. It showcases her extensive documentation of her own life, beginning in her teenage years, through both photography and writing, providing a unique insight into her personal and professional journey.

Tasovská’s documentary essay examines life and work beyond what are considered conventional norms, focusing on the mix of joy and anxiety that arises from individuality and the continuous journey of self-discovery. It follows an ageing woman who diligently documents her life, providing a deeply personal perspective. Libuše Jarcovjáková, who came of age under the communist rule, challenged traditional notions of beauty, sexuality and relationships, refusing to adhere to prescribed ways of living. Her story begins in Prague during the era of normalization, where Jarcovjáková starts her photographic exploration of the city's lesser-seen aspects. She captures scenes in printing houses, in bars, among diverse ethnic groups and in semi-legal gay clubs. Amidst a milieu brimming with nudity, sex and alcohol, juxtaposed with the era's dullness and oppressiveness, she navigates her identity and sexuality. A significant shift in her life occurs following a murder within her social circle, drawing the attention of the State Security. Jarcovjáková enters into a marriage of convenience and relocates to Berlin, encountering various challenges, including a major traffic accident. Her career takes a turn in Tokyo, where she finds unexpected success as a fashion photographer, yet she realises that this is not the life she has been seeking. She returns to Berlin and, following the fall of the Iron Curtain, eventually makes her way back to Prague.

I'm Not Everything I Want to Be presents Jarcovjáková's life through a montage of her own photographs, including numerous self-portraits that she used to chronicle her evolving physical appearance and mental state over time. She had been capturing these images long before the advent of the term “selfie”. The film integrates archival materials to capture the ambiance of the era, and provides context on themes such as queer identity, gender, minorities and underground movements. It combines elements like fragments from audio diaries, observational footage, dialogues, situational scenes, and videos recorded by Jarcovjáková using phone and video cameras. To fully convey her perspective, the film will also include her writings and diary entries, offering an intimate and comprehensive look at the photographer's life and work.

I'm Not Everything I Want to Be is being produced by Somatic Films (Czech Republic), and co-produced by nutprodukcia (Slovakia) and Mischief Films (Austria). The movie is being supported by the Czech Film Fund, the Slovak Audiovisual Fund, Czech Television, Creative Europe – MEDIA, ARTE GEIE and the Prague Audiovisual Fund.